The Month That Was: February February 28, 2009

Here is the month that was:

February 7: Visiting Jen at Big Cha
My friend Jen’s family owns this restaurant in Pacita Complex called Big Cha. She had been telling me for the longest time to go to their place and finally I went there.

I missed Jen a lot because this was the first time I saw her since I went back to Makati.

February 9: Dinner at Yellow Cab with Chelo, Gel, Mitch & Roy
My teammate Chelo was in a very giving mood, so she treated us with Yellow Cab pizza. It wasn’t just an eating and bonding session, but it was more of a chismis session since Roy knows a lot about the things happening in FS.

February 10: “Milk” and “Rockultura 2009″ with Charlotte
Watching “Milk” wasn’t really a part of my agenda for this month, but I don’t regret seeing it since it was a really nice film.

It was my first time to go to Gateway Mall. I loved the National Bookstore there. It’s so big and just across it is CBTL. Books and coffee. Hehe.

Charlotte and I went to the UP Fair and realized that we’re really on a whole different generation because the bands that we liked are different from the ones that most of the students did.

It was a fun evening nevertheless.

February 13: Pre-Valentine’s with Chelo
It was the evening before Valentine’s. Chelo and I spent it eating bagoong rice & spring rolls at Oody’s, watching the opening salvo of the Philippine International Jazz Festival and having coffee at Tsoko Nut.

February 16: “Pink Panther 2″ with Loraine
Raine saved me from boredom this day!

February 18: Team AJ Team Building Part One at A Veneto Glorietta
We were supposed to go to Star City but because of an unfortunate accident at the amusement park, we changed our minds and ate out instead. (Or should I say pig out?) We’re not just about perfect compliance scores, you know, we love eating and having fun too.(Kaye still owes us the pictures from this event)

February 21: Spammer Girls Night Out
It was the night for us single ladies. We watched “He’s Just Not That Into You”, had dinner at Oody’s and had coffee at CBTL.

February 24: Team AJ Team Building Part Two at Shakey’s Valero
We love to eat! Enough said.

February 27: Gel’s Last Day in FinServ
One of our team’s SME, Gel, got promoted as RTA and will be with the Workforce Management in Insular Building starting March 2. We’re just so happy for her.

I’ll miss her floorwalking and our food trips.

February 28: World Vision Outreach at Dasmariñas, Cavite
Our company has a tie-up with World Vision and every month we hold an outreach program that each LOB will host. This month, it was FinServ’s turn.

It was a tiring but fun day. It was fun being with the kids. But it was tiring because I had to run around and stuff because I’m one of the people who does the demo for the games. Damn those relays. Haha.

For three years, I hated the month of February. It’s like a cursed month for me. But this year, February had been a good month and my feelings and notions about this month had changed.

36 Days February 25, 2009

Thirty-six days of no phone calls, text messages, e-mails and PMs.
Thirty-six days since I removed you from my contacts in Friendster, Multiply and Facebook.
Thirty-six days since your name was erased from my phonebook and messenger contact lists.

I’ve thought of dialing your number, but I can no longer remember.
It crossed my mind to shoot you an e-mail, but I don’t even bother.
I got tempted adding you back on my social sites,but I’d rather be caught doing whatever.

It’s been 36 days since I decided I don’t want to have anything to do with you.

Wreck February 22, 2009

I’m impatient.
I’m too pessimistic.
I’m damn idealistic.

I fall too hard.
I don’t know how to let go.
I’m in love with being in love.

I’m a sucker for romance.
I believe in fairytales and happy endings.
I just don’t think they’re applicable to me.

I’m as alone as a Hydrogen atom.
I’m as reactive as Francium.
I’m as negative as an Oxygen ion.

I talk a lot.
I laugh out loud.
I cry too much.

I’m utterly imperfect.
I’m a trainwreck.
I’m irreparably broken.

And the truth is I’m not looking for someone to fix me
Because I don’t want to be fixed
This is me.
You either hate me or love me.

Inspired At Work February 20, 2009

Yes, I have this “kilig” feeling lately. But it’s not because of some guy. I’m feeling this excitement because of work itself.

Things had been really good at work lately especially in terms of performance. Being where I am right now made me really grateful and glad.

One of my goals/part of to-do list is having not just good but great scorecards. Fortunately, things are great with my metrics. In fact, when the January scorecards were generated, I was number one in the stack ranking for the month. It was a delightful surprise. I hope that this good performance continues throughout the rest of the year.

I’ve also met people at work who inspired me regarding some other aspect of my life.

Kring is a fellow agent. She is currently taking a post-baccalaureate degree at UST. I was inspired by her diligence to go to work and at the same time study. I’m actually thankful to her because she discussed with me options on universities that offer distance learning and graduate studies. I really would like to study again, but being the breadwinner of my family, I just can’t stop working. But when I saw how Kring was doing, I realized that I might be able to do it as well. But I won’t be able to do it this year. Further studies are on the latter parts of my Plans A and B (and C and so and so forth, up to whatever letter I need to come up to). But still, at least I have been able to scout for universities and I already have an early favorite.

Then there’s Bunny. She’s one of the most “makulit” agents. Bunny inspired me in terms of serving, sharing and helping other people. As a way of showing social responsibility, our company has a tie up with a charitable institution and every month an outreach program/event is held. This month, it’s our LOB’s turn to host the event. We’ll be holding an outreach program on the 28th. Only a few had volunteered, and Bunny wasn’t just a volunteer but is actually organizing the event. What really struck me is that the 28th is actually her wedding day. Instead of just resting or fussing over her wedding, she’ll be assisting in the feeding program and will be sharing her blessings to less fortunate children. All I can say is wow. At first, I had second thoughts in joining the event because it’s in Cavite and we have to leave early on a Saturday morning and we’ll be coming from a team building the night before, but after realizing what Bunny will be doing (rush to her wedding after the outreach), I signed up and volunteered. (Fortunately, our team building happened earlier than planned. We had it last Wednesday. Though we may still do something on the 27th.)

What I’m feeling about work right now and how people there are touching other aspects of my life is just amazing. ^_^

I Want… February 15, 2009

…someone to waste time with me.

Quoting Movies On Love February 8, 2009

When Harry Met Sally (1989)
Harry Burns (Billy Crystal): I love that you get cold when it’s 71 degrees out. I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich. I love that you get a little crinkle above your nose when you’re looking at me like I’m nuts. I love that after I spend the day with you, I can still smell your perfume on my clothes. And I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night. And it’s not because I’m lonely, and it’s not because it’s New Year’s Eve. I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.

Practical Magic (1998)
Sally Owens (Sandra Bullock): Sometimes I feel like there’s a hole inside of me, an emptiness that at times seems to burn. I think if you lifted my heart to your ear, you could probably hear the ocean. The moon tonight, there’s a circle around it. Sign of trouble not far behind. I have this dream of being whole. Of not going to sleep each night, wanting. But still sometimes, when the wind is warm or the crickets sing… I dream of a love that even time will lie down and be still for. I just want someone to love me. I want to be seen. I don’t know. Maybe I had my happiness. I don’t want to believe it but, there is no man, Gilly. Only that moon.

Practical Magic (1998)
Sally Owens (Sandra Bullock): Can love really travel back in time and heal a broken heart?

Practical Magic (1998)
Young Sally Owens (Camilla Belle): The guy I dreamed of doesn’t exist. And if he doesn’t exist, I’ll never die of a broken heart.

Never Been Kissed (1999)
Josie Geller (Drew Barrymore): You know, Adelie penguins spend their whole lives looking for that one other penguin and when they meet them, they know. And they spend the rest of their lives together.

Never Been Kissed (1999)
Josie Geller (Drew Barrymore): That thing, that moment, when you kiss someone and everything around becomes hazy and the only thing in focus is you and this person and you realize that that person is the only person that you’re supposed to kiss for the rest of your life, and for one moment you get this amazing gift and you want to laugh and you want to cry because you feel so lucky that you found it and so scared that that it will go away all at the same time.

The Bachelor (1999)
Priest (James Cromwell): It’s a wonderful thing, as time goes by, to be with someone who looks into your face, when you’ve gotten old, and still sees what you think you look like.

10 Things I Hate About You (1999)
Kat Stratford (Julia Stiles):
I hate the way you talk to me
And the way you cut your hair.
I hate the way you drive my car.
I hate it when you stare.
I hate your big dumb combat boots
And the way you read my mind.
I hate you so much it makes me sick.
It even makes me rhyme.

I hate it…
I hate the way you’re always right.
I hate it when you lie.
I hate it when you make me laugh;
Even worse when you make me cry.

I hate it when you’re not around
And the fact that you didn’t call,
But mostly I hate the way I don’t hate you;
Not even close;
Not even a little bit;
Not even at all.

Sweet Home Alabama (2002)
Melanie Carmichael (Reese Witherspoon): The truth is I gave my heart away a long time ago, my whole heart, and I never really got it back.

Sweet Home Alabama (2002)
Jake Perry (Josh Lucas): Nobody finds their soul mate when they’re ten. I mean, where’s the fun in that, right?

A Cinderella Story (2004)
Sam’s Dad (Whip Hubley): Fairy tales aren’t just about finding handsome princes. They’re about fulfilling your dreams and about standing up for what you believe in.

Pixel Perfect (2004)
Xander (Brett Cullen): Silicon is a great thing, you can mold it into glass or turn it into microchips. But it’s not alive. If you try to look for perfection in living people, you’ll end up having more breakfasts alone.

Just Like Heaven (2005)
Jack Houriskey (Donal Logue): God made alcohol as a social lubricant. To make men brave, and to make women loose.

He’s Just Not That Into You February 8, 2009

Here’s one of my favorite books. I’ve posted this several times on my Blogspot account, but I guess I’m still to stubborn to follow what it says. But nonetheless, I love Greg Behrendt’s words.

he’s just not that into you
by greg behrendt and liz tuccillo

he’s just not that into you if he’s not asking you out
because if he likes you, trust me, he will ask you out
/ an excuse is a polite rejection. men are not afraid of “ruining the friendship”
/ don’t get tricked into asking him out. if he likes you, he’ll do the asking
/ if you can find him, then he can find you. if he wants to find you, he will
/ just because you like to lead doesn’t mean he wants to dance. some traditions are born of nature and last through time for a reason.
/ “hey, let’s meet at so-and-so’s party/any bar/friend’s house” is not a date. even if you live in new york.
/ men don’t forget how much they like you. so put down the phone.
/ you are good enough to be asked out.

he’s just not that into you if he’s not calling you
men know how to use the phone
/ if he’s not calling you, it’s because you are not on his mind.
/ if he creates expectations for you, and then doesn’t follow through on little things, he will do the same for big things. be aware of this and realize that he’s okay with disappointing you.
/ don’t be with someone who doesn’t do what they say they’re going to do.
/ if he’s choosing not to make a simple effort that would put you at ease and bring harmony to a recurring fight, then he doesn’t respect your feelings and needs.
/ “busy” is another word for “asshole.” “asshole” is another word for the guy you’re dating.
/ you deserve a freaking phone call.

he’s just not that into you if he’s not dating you
“hanging out” is not dating
/ guys tell you how they feel even if you refuse to listen or believe them. “i don’t want to be in a serious relationship” truly means “i don’t want to be in a serious relationship with you” or “i’m not sure that you’re the one.” (sorry)
/ better than nothing is not good enough for you!
/ if you don’t know where the relationship is going, it’s okay to pull over and ask.
/ murky? not good.
/ there’s a guy out there who will want to tell everyone that he’s your boyfriend. quit goofing around and go find him!

he’s just not that into you if he’s having sex with someone else
there’s never going to be a good excuse for cheating
/ there is no excuse for cheating let me say it again. there is no excuse for cheating. now you say it. there is no excuse for cheating.
/ your only responsibility;ity in someone else’s lapse in judgment is to yourself.
/ cheating is cheating. it doesn’t matter whom it was with or how many times it happened.
/ cheating gets easier every time it’s done. it’s only hard the first time, when one feels the sting of morality and the guilt of betraying someone’s trust.
/ cheaters never prosper.
/ a cheater only cheats himself, because he doesn’t get to be with you.

he’s just not that into you if he only wants to see you when he’s drunk
if he likes you, he’ll want to see you when his judgment isn’t impaired
/ it doesn’t count unless he says it when he’s sober. an “i love you” (or any semblance thereof) while under the influence of anything stronger than grape juice won’t hold up in court or in life.
/ drinking and drug use are not a path to one’s innermost feelings. otherwise people wouldn’t smash empty beer cans against their skulls or stick their fingers in fire to see if they can feel anything.
/ if he only wants to see you, talk to you, etc., when he’s inebriated, it ain’t love—it’s sport.
/ bad boys are actually bad.
/you deserve to be with someone who doesn’t have to get loaded to be around you.

he’s just not that into you if he doesn’t want to marry you
love cures commitment-phobia
/ “doesn’t want to get married” and “doesn’t want to get married to me” are very different things. be sure about which category he falls under.
/ if you have different views about marriage, what else are you not on the same page about? time to take inventory.
/ if you don’t feel like you’re rushing, why are you waiting?
/ there’s a guy out there who wants to marry you.

he’s just not that into you if he’s breaking up with you
“i don’t want to go out with you” means just that
/ you can’t talk your way out of a breakup. it is not up for discussion. a breakup is a definitive action, not a democratic one.
/ he doesn’t need to be reminded that you’re great.
/ there’s a guy out there who’s going to be really happy that you didn’t get back together with your crappy ex-boyfriend.

he’s just not that into you if he’s disappeared on you
sometimes you have to get closure all by yourself.
/ he might be lying in the hospital with amnesia, but more likely he’s just not that into you.
/ no answer is your answer.
/ don’t give him the chance to reject you again.
/ let his mother yell at him. you’re too busy.
/ he wasn’t good enough for you.

he’s just not that into you if he’s a selfish jerk, a bully, or a really big freak
if you really love someone, you want to do things to make that person happy
/ life is hard enough as it is without choosing someone difficult to share it with.
/ you deserve to be with someone who is nice to you all the time.
/ you already have one asshole. you don’t need another.
make a space in your life for the glorious things you deserve.
/ have faith. what other choice is there?

On Books February 8, 2009

I have this quirkness with the books I own. I don’t like lending books that are in my “collection”, and those are the non-fiction, inspirational, Christian books that I have. I’m not at ease whenever even just one of these books in this collection is not on the table by my bedside. I’m not really “madamot” because I would rather buy a copy of the book and give it as a gift to the person than lend it, and with that, the person can read the book at any pace he/she wants and not have to worry returning it to me. I actually can’t part with my non-fiction collection. If I’m going to another country, I’ll surely bring them.

But with regards to the fiction books that I own, that’s another story. That I can lend, just be sure to return them or else…

The fiction books that I like can be divided into
six categories:

First one would be is written by Asian authors. For the longest time, “The Kitchen God’s Wife” by Amy Tan has been a favorite of mine. I liked it more than “The Joy Luck Club“, which is the more popular book, but I like all the her works anyway.

The next category would be stories about the paranormal, vampires and witches. Here comes Stephen King and Anne Rice.

The next one would be works by Neil Gaiman. I like reading his novels though apparently most people would prefer his graphic novels/comic books.

Next would be courtroom drama such as Jodi Picoult’s novels, which is my thing for the moment.

And then there are the mystery novels. Seriously, I like shows that involves crime solving, and I like that in my books as well.

And last but not the least would be adult fairytale, which Sean says is a weird name for a genre because adult and fairytales don’t mix. I’m into fairytale retellings such as the
novels of Gregory Maguire.

My current reccommendations are “My Sister’s Keeper” by Jodi Picoult and “Confessions Of An Ugly Stepsister” by Gregory Maguire.

Quoting Grey’s Anatomy On Fairy Tales February 3, 2009

“You know how when you were a little kid and you believed in fairy tales, that fantasy of what your life would be, white dress, prince charming who would carry you away to a castle on a hill. You would lie in bed at night and close your eyes and you had complete and utter faith. Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, Prince Charming, they were so close you could taste them, but eventually you grow up, one day you open your eyes and the fairy tale disappears. Most people turn to the things and people they can trust. But the thing is its hard to let go of that fairy tale entirely cause almost everyone has that smallest bit of hope, of faith, that one day they will open their eyes and it will come true.” – Meredith Grey

I used to believe in fairy tales, but now, after failing several times to find my happily-ever-after, I just don’t know what to believe in anymore. I’m not sure if I had completely let go of my fairy tales though.

Why Do We Like To Hurt So Much February 2, 2009

I’ve written this entry almost a year ago. I just thought to repost it since it’s February and it will keep up with the theme for the month. ^_^ I’ve edited it a bit though to reflect some of my new thoughts

My LSS is still “That’s What You Get” by Paramore, hence the title of this post is a line from that song.

Why do we like to hurt so much? It’s part of our being to love, and it’s part of loving to get hurt.

I’m not hurting as much as before, but I am seeing a lot of people who are hurting and/or confused. It’s difficult to give advice to hurt and confused people when you yourself are just getting over the hurt and confusion. But let this piece be a comment/reply on all the blog posts about losing someone/being stupid because of loving someone/fighting for someone you love that I’ve read.

We do stupid things because of love, so people who don’t want to do something stupid avoid love or at least avoid talking about love or their feelings so that they don’t have to let other people know that they themselves had done foolish acts. We all have a story to tell. Just these past few days, I have read a lot about those stories. I don’t know if I’ll feel comforted because I am not alone or if I’ll be sad because we’re too many.

For people who lost someone they love or have unrequited love…

Just because you love someone, it doesn’t mean you have to be with that person. Loving someone doesn’t give you the license to have that person. You can still love that person from afar. It’ll hurt, but if you truly love someone, you’ll take whatever you can get.

Often you’ll hear the phrase “you deserve someone better”. I hate that phrase  even if it might be very, very, very true. You won’t be able to see the worth of that phrase when you are in love with someone who doesn’t deserve you because the point of loving anyway is giving love unconditionally. You don’t require the person you love to be something in order for you to
love him/her. You don’t require that person to be someone who deserves you before you give your heart to him/her. I don’t use the phrase “you deserve someone better” to my friends because I know what it feels when you hear it. It’s just like “I told you so” which is a phrase that I know a lot of us, if not all, doesn’t want to hear.

But as dreadful as “you deserve someone better” is to hear, we should be open to the fact that there really is someone out there, other than the person whom we love and had hurt us, that we can love and maybe even love us back. Yes, we can’t chose someone we love, but it doesn’t mean we cannot love again.

I love Lara Fabian’s song “I Will Love Again” because it’s true. As long as our heart is beating we can love again. As the song puts it, “even if it takes a life time, I will love again.” Yes, it’s difficult, really difficult, and it may take a long time but it can happen. We just have to be open.

You don’t stop loving a person just because the person has stopped loving you or because he/she cannot love you in the way you want him/her to, but you’ll be able to love someone else more. Feelings don’t die (even if most people say they do) but they only fade or move into the back to give room for new feelings. The process takes time and hurts a lot, but you’ll live through it. ^^;

Cheers to happiness! (we’ll eventually get it ^^;)