25 Random Things About Me January 31, 2009

I’ve been tagged by two people already, Airene & Kim, in Facebook. For the people I tagged just check: http://www.facebook.com/note.php?note_id=51704290775&id=657988659&index=0

1. I love the color orange. Thank God for the color orange. Though I’m not a giddy person, I love orange because it’s such a happy color.

2. I am a chocoholic.

3. Pasta is a food group for me. I don’t mind eating pasta every day.

4. I like to watch shows that are related to crime solving, sleuthing and courtroom drama. [I’m a big fan of the CSI franchise and the Law & Order franchise and I thank Jerry Bruckheimer for creating most of the series I love.]

5. I collect inspirational and Christian books. The first book of my collection was a copy of “More Than A Carpenter” by Josh McDowell that was a gift from a friend.

6. I spend more on books over clothes.

7. I am a fan of Carrie Underwood, Reese Witherspoon, Dakota Fanning, Taylor Swift, Sara Bareilles, Johnny Depp and Jackie Chan.

8. I’ve been a blogger for more than four years now.

9. I’m an acrophobic. The last time I used the MMDA foot bridge in Bicutan, I had an anxiety attack. My heart was pounding so hard I could still feel it 20 minutes later. While on the foot bridge, I froze and got so disoriented I didn’t know how to move. That was the longest walk I had in my life.

10. I’m a hopeless romantic. [I’m a damsel who loves her distress.]

11. I would like to study again but I’m still looking for time and funds to do it.

12. My weight has never reached 100 pounds. I eat a lot but it seems that it doesn’t have an effect on my weight and my body.

13. I’m a hardcore photo addict/camwhore. I’ll stop whatever I’m doing to pose for the camera.

14. My favorite place that I’ve been to is El Nido, Palawan.

15. I’m the official organizer of my barkadas’ get-togethers.

16. I want to have a book I’ve written published before I die.

17. I am a drama queen… seriously.

18. I’ll be 25 years old this year and yet I’m still not sure where I want to be.

19. I am a stubborn person.

20. I always get myself tangled up in complicated situations.

21. I enjoy eating out, going on road trips or doing any other seemingly mundane things with friends more than going to big parties and mega social gatherings.

22. I have three barkadas and I love them so much. I have two barkadas from high school. I never had a barkada in college. (I guess because I spend more of my time in U.P. Diliman than in Ateneo and since I shifted course) And I have my barkada from PeopleSupport.

23. I want to learn how to speak Greek. (I got this idea when I heard Melina Eleni Kanakaredes a.k.a. Stella Bonasera of CSI:NY speak fluent Greek)

24. I believe that once you love a person, you’ll always love that person. It’s just that the love that you have for that person changes. You don’t stop loving a person just because the person has stopped loving you or because he/she cannot love you the way you want him/her to, but you’ll be able to love someone else more. Feelings don’t die (even if most people say they do) but they only fade or move back to give room for new feelings.

25. If you really want to know me (inside-out along with the deepest secrets) steal my USB flash drive that I bring anywhere and everywhere. It contains a soft copy of my blogs/journals, my portfolio and all my digital photos.

Of Haircuts, St. Jude And Migraine January 27, 2009

Haircuts
For the past three months, my hair had been on the receiving end of my angsts. I’ve been having my hair cut every month, and I think there was even a month that I had it cut twice.
People have different reasons why they have a haircut. In my case, I know for sure it wasn’t for fashion or looks.

St. Jude
I’m going to add another thing in my to-do list this year. That’s going to St. Jude Church in Mendiola and light some red candles. [waiting for violent reaction from Tim here]
St. Jude is the patron saint of desperate cases and lost causes. Okay, I’m hopeless.
I prayed for something once and it went like this: “Dear God. I want to be with [insert name here], but if you think we shouldn’t be together then send someone whom I can be with.” I prayed like this for several weeks after shift during my early PS days, and guess what, the prayer was answered. I met someone else and didn’t end up with this other guy I liked, was with him for around two years and now I refer to him as an episode in my life. (or was it temporary insanity?)
Anyway, I guess next time I pray about something like this, I’d be careful with my wording.

Migraine
My song of the moment is “Migraine” by Moonstar 88. I’ve already posted it in my music links in Multiply before. The words of the song are ringing in my head.

Now the reason for my latest haircut, my new found “devotion” to St. Jude and my current “migraine” is one and the same.

Temporary High January 25, 2009

My life is a series of temporary highs, and among my temporary highs, I’m high on you most.

One Day… January 20, 2009

…I just decided that I don’t want to have anything to do with you.

Done Worst January 20, 2009

“Many things–such as loving, going to sleep or behaving unaffectedly–are done worst when we try hardest to do them…” – C.S. Lewis.

End To Reruns Of Unworthy Episodes Of My Life January 18, 2009

I’m sorry, I won’t waste my time on reruns of unworthy episodes in my life.

I don’t want to hear anymore updates from your life. I want to go about mine without you holding me back.

No more connections–Friendster, Facebook, Multiply, Vox, GTalk nor YM.

I don’t want to have anything to do with you.

For the record:
Unworthy episode is not equal to knight. They’re two different people.

For My Knight January 13, 2009

“Gravity”
by Sara Bareilles

Something always brings me back to you.
It never takes too long.
No matter what I say or do I’ll still feel you here ’til the moment I’m gone.

You hold me without touch.
You keep me without chains.
I never wanted anything so much than to drown in your love and not feel your reign.

[CHORUS:]
Set me free, leave me be. I don’t want to fall another moment into your gravity.
Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way I’m supposed to be.
But you’re on to me and all over me.

You loved me ’cause I’m fragile
When I thought that I was strong.
But you touch me for a little while and all my fragile strength is gone.

[CHORUS]

I live here on my knees as I try to make you see that you’re everything I think I need here on the ground.
But you’re neither friend nor foe though I can’t seem to let you go.
The one thing that I still know is that you’re keeping me down

Ang Daming Nagugutom Sa Mundo Pero Atenista Ka Pa Rin January 13, 2009

Isa itong repost mula kay Mara na isang dating kasamahan sa Matanglawin, Ang Opisyal na Pahayagang Pilipino ng Ateneo. Nagmula ang re-post kay Omar na amin ring kasamahan sa Matanglawin. Ang orihinal na may akda ay si Nicole na kasalukuyang nasa unang taon ng kolehiyo sa Ateneo.

In defense of the Atenean community.

Atenista ako. Pero marunong akong mag-diretsong Tagalog. Atenista ako. Pero marunong akong makipagtulakan sa MRT at isiksik ang sarili ko sa kakarampot na espasyo sa jeep. Atenista ako. Pero hindi ako gumagasta ng libo-libo sa isang pares ng sapatos o sa isang jacket. Wala akong kotse, wala akong driver, at lalong-lalo nang wala akong Wii o X-box o Play Station para mag-Guitar Hero at Rock Band maghapon. Pero hindi ibig sabihin nitong hindi ako singtalino at sing-galing ng ibang Atenistang meron ng mga bagay na to. Hindi ibig sabihin nitong hindi ako bagay na mag-aral sa isang sikat na unibersidad. Hindi ibig sabihin nitong hindi ako Atenista.

Madalas nababansagang maarte kaming mga Atenista dahil sa pananalita namin. Pero matalino lang ang mga estudyante ng Ateneo. Ang kapaligiran, mga propesor, ang estilo ng pagtuturo at pamamalakad ay dinisenyo para manganak at magpalaki ng mga studyanteng hindi lang napipilitang mag-aral ng mabuti, kundi ginugusto talagang maging mahusay sa akademya. Walang masamang maging magaling mag-Ingles. Walang masamang maging gamay makipag-usap sa mga dayuhan. Walang masamang maging marunong makipag-debate at ipaglaban ang pinaniniwalaan mo.

Mareklamo daw kami. Bakit, sa La Salle ba, walang nagrereklamo sa lakas ng ulan? Sa UP ba, walang nagrereklamo sa init ng panahon? Sa Benilde ba, walang nagluluksa pag walang kuryente o mabagal ang wi-fi? Hindi kami naiiba sa inyo. Sa lahat ng mga ganito pa rin ang ideya tungkol sa mga Atenista, wala pa siguro kayong nakakausap na dormer ng Cervini, na galing Cotabato at nagsisikap mag-aral ng mabuti kahit nag-iisa at malayo sa pamilya. Wala pa kayong nakikilalang scholar na minsan kailangang umutang sa OAA para lang may pamasahe papasok. Sila? Nagrereklamo ba sila?

Elitista daw kami. Pero hindi lahat ng Atenista mayaman o feeling-mayaman. Hindi lahat kami “sheltered” katulad nang hindi lahat nang Lasalista negosyanteng Intsik at hindi lahat nang taga-UP aktibista at hindi lahat nang taga-UST ay mga siokoy na lumulusong sa baha. Hindi porke’t “elite” ang school namin “elitista” kami. Hindi porke’t may dalawang Figaro sa loob ng campus namin hindi na namin nasisikmura ang isaw at betamax. Hindi porke’t malinis ang mga banyo namin pinandidirihan na namin ang mga Aeta. Marunong naman kaming manood ng Eat Bulaga at Wowowee at nabalitaan din namin ang break-up nina Dingdong at Karylle. At hindi lang usong damit at UAAP ang inaatupag namin. May pakialam din kami sa mundo. Alam namin ang tungkol sa global recession at krisis sa stock market ng Amerika. Nanood kami ng SONA at naintindihan namin yon. Alam na alam namin ang banta ng global warming, kaya nga hindi na kami gumagamit ng styro. Alam naming importanteng iangat ang estado ng Pilipinas sa mundo, kaya nga kami may JTA. Alam namin ang kalagayan ng mga magsasaka sa Calatagan, kaya nga ginagawa namin lahat ng kaya namin para matulungan sila. At oo, alam naming maraming nagugutom sa mundo, kaya nga Atenista pa rin kami.

Wala pa akong isang buong taon sa Ateneo. Pero alam ko ang mga pinagsasasabi ko. Dahil sa loob ng pitong buwan sa Katipunan marami akong natutunan, nakilala, napuntahan at natulungan. Dahil nakita ko ang puso at talino ng mga taga-Ateneo. Dahil hindi ako maarte, hindi ako feeling mayaman, hindi ako mareklamo, at hindi ako elitista, pero hindi ipinagkait sakin ang pagiging Atenista.

One of Radioactive Sago Project’s albums is entitled, “… Ang Daming Nagugutom Sa Mundo Fashionista Ka Pa Rin”. Vocalist Lourd de Veyra plugs, “Bilhin ninyo ang album namin, “… Ang Daming Nagugutom Sa Mundo Atenista Ka Pa Rin”. I’m not angry at Radioactive Sago. In fact I love Lourd de Veyra. I want him to write me a song. This is just a reaction.

reference: To my fellow parents: On the meaning of an Ateneo education by Agustin Martin G. Rodriguez, Ph.D. as published in The Ateneo Way SY 2009

*************katapusan ng repost*************

Nakuha ng akdang ito ang aking atensyon at napukaw nito ang aking damdamin. Isa ako sa mga taong “HINDI MAYAMAN” na nag-aral sa Ateneo. Isa ako sa mga Atenistang “SCHOLAR.” Naiintindihan ko ang mga nasusulat rito at ang nararamdaman ng may akda. Para ilagay ang mga taong nag-aral at nag-aaral sa Ateneo sa isang kahon at markahan itong “elitista” ay hindi naman siguro masasabing tama at makatarungan.Malaki ang aking pasasalamat sa pagkakataong makatamasa ng edukasyon mula sa Ateneo at ng edukasyong Heswita. Alam kong hindi lahat ng tao ay nabibigyan ng ganoong pagkakataon. At ang ikinatutuwa ko at higit na ipinagpapasalamat ay ang pagkakataon na matuto hindi lamang sa loob ng apat na sulok ng mga silid-aralan ng pamantasang ito–lumagpas ito sa mga bakod ng Ateneo, sa kahabaan ng Katipunan, at kabuuan ng Loyola Heights at Diliman.

Knight and Damsel January 10, 2009

You slay my dragons of despair. You get rid of the evil sorceress who takes away my happiness. You bring down the tower that life has built around me. You take down each of the brick of failures and broken hearts. My sincerest dreams are locked away in a fortress, but you are there to set them free.

I will always be your damsel in distress, eternally to be rescued. You will always be my knight in shining armor, my eternal savior.

But like Guinevere and Lancelot, we are not meant to be together. You will have a king to serve, a fellowship to protect and a kingdom to honor. I am not meant for you and my love for you banishes me to solitude.

Surrender January 8, 2009

“Love is a scientific reaction. It’s the dopamine secreted by your brain.”

Chocolates have the same effect, and I think I should stick to them instead.

“To say that you’ve got one soul mate in the world out of six billion people, mathematically that’s setting yourself up for failure.”

I’m so tired of the crazy things I did and got into. I’m tired of all the temporary highs and short-lived stints. I need someone to fill up this empty space in me. But it’s just so difficult to happen since I have all these strings dangling and attached to me and since it just so happens that most of the good men are taken and that those whom I attract I just so happen not to like.

The emptiness isn’t growing, but it’s hard to ignore. Unfortunately though, I need to ignore it to survive because I can’t hold on to the idea that somewhere out there is someone meant just for me.